A new day

Ma trezesc cu tine-n gand si viata pare asa de frumoasa, chiar daca nu te gasesc in patutz langa mine imi aduc aminte cum era alta data cand deschideam ochii si te zaream pe tine, adormit, mangaiat de razele soarelui, zambind. Ce mod de a incepe ziua, iti dadeam un pupic si dupa adormeam la loc... if that ain't love than i don't know what love is :P

In alta ordine de idei azi am dormit ca porcusorul pana la 7 jumate :))... cred ca aratam ceva de genul asta:

Dar am reusit sa ajung la timp la serviciu si sa incep o noua si fascinanta zi... ascult Reamon si sunt departe, departe... modific documente, copy, paste, cut =)), creez tabelase, dar zbor in alte galaxii... mi-am dat seama ca era totally true proverbul acela: "Cand viata iti da lamai fa limonada" de ce nu?! pana la urma tot acolo iesi numai ca limonda are si putin zahar :P

Numar zilele, orele, ce au ramas... vreau sa vina iarna!!! Vreau sa ma plimb cu tine printre fulgi, sa bem vin fiert cu scortisoara si sa spunem povesti :)

It's monday

Today is 20th of October… just a normal autumn day, sunny, cold and colorful. It also happens to be monday, that means it is not so much my favorite day of the week but I am trying to recover from my depression and I am not going to think about those details… I went late at work as I had some “technical” problems in the morning aka I woke up too late… I went by foot as I was too late to catch the bus. I am happy I was wearing my new boots and that it felt so much fun to walk all the way to the “office”. You see I can not be serious about this job, I can not feel like a career person, at least I can not do that in here. So, I know my problems, I just can not figure a way of solving them, I mean, I did my part, now it is just a matter of time and good luck, fingers crossed.
I am happy, not as happy as I could be but I am ok. I rather be in the center, drinking a coffee and admiring the city but I am here and it’s ok too. I woke up with such a nostalgic sensation about one October 2 years ago… it was the October that never ended lolll. I was in Ostrava, with no friends, no money, no desire to be there what so ever, I used to go in the park near my home and write in my diary and every time the date was x/y October at some point I was really confused as I was feeling that it will never end :).
Today I am dreaming of snow, Christmas lights, hot chocolate and a walk in the city’s streets. I miss a good time with some of the persons I used to go out, aka my friends from Ostrava… I remember the pubs where we used to spend the nights, I remember going to shopping for Christmas presents :), the fights in the snow, the “a delicious thing” after dinner, the tea with milk, the movie nights, the pizza we used to cook and eat in the bed etc etc :). It was awesome and I know we can not go back there because we will never have nor the time nor the place to do all of those but I will keep in my heart everything forever. I can only hope I will be able to do that with other persons :) and something is telling me it might just be possible :P.
In the mean time I am having the travel disease lolll I want to travel somewhere new like never :) it just feels like I could go home pack some things (perhaps less than I usually do) and just go somewhere to some of my friends and stay there for a week or something.
So I can hardly wait for the winter to come, I Santa will bring me a trip trip trip to an unknown destination :). The only important thing is the company :)
That’s about it for today… I have left one and a half hours and I am looking forward in eating a Kinder cookie :) like I said to my friend last night: 28 grams of pleasure :P

Kisses!!!

I wanna go home :)

I’ve changed the face of my blog :) I am so proud iiiiiiiiiiiii as I used to do with the love of my life :P… last night we stayed up until 1 o’clock in the morning and we talked and talked… I just love him, I know I do. He is like everything I ever wanted and I feel so good when he’s around me, it’s like this perfect feeling of warmth, butterflies in my stomach, quiet, smiley faces, little pink hearts around my head like in the cartoons lolllll… I fell all that when I’m with him and only then. It doesn’t matter we are now worlds apart, it doesn’t matter I am depressed, the only thing I know is that I live for the moment when he will be back to me, when he will touch me and kiss me. I need this love to be real as I can not imagine my world without him. I see myself capable of being with him till the end, I really do. And he’s the first I feel like this for. I never imagined I will fall so deep with someone and yet I am amazed by every moment that we spent together. I want to go to Venice with him, I want to visit all the places we want together, I want to cook for him, to have a romantic dinner in the middle of nowhere, I want to be happy with him and to make him smile every day.
This isn’t a declaration of my love or anything, just some thoughts through my mind in this autumn lonesome day. I woke up so dizzy today I could barely reach the bathroom :))… I used the robot style again, thank god my mind is awake,,, only my body is numb and tired, my mind could go on for days.
I am fighting the unknown everyday and still feel like I have no chance. I feel small and not so confident in the future nor in me, I hope by Christmas I will be more positive. In the mean time I just want to get a normal job, more money… but most of all I want him to come back to me, so we can be together and happy like we always have been. I can’t wait for December to come. Ohhh I miss the snow, the lights, the snowflakes, the kisses and the loving. I can only imagine one winter night spent in his arms and I am totally happy :), that’s all I need now.
Talking about reality now… I am 45 minutes away from freedom, I can’t wait to get home and have a bath, after that massage and then a movie, perfect ending for the day.
“You're breaking your mind by killing the time that kills you, but you can't blame the time 'cause its only in your mind.”

5 things...

So I must admit I am totally depressed lately… hummm I think that for the past 2 and a half months. I blame it on the job up until now and I think it had it’s share in this but I am also so incomplete… when my boyfriend first told me that he feels incomplete without me I laughed and just thought ‘he’s so slick’ you know man tell a lot of things they don’t mean but tell anyway so to make us (girls) feel better… but now I realized that I indeed feel incomplete without him. I was in the most beautiful town in the world (maybe), Rome, and still I felt so… not like I should have. It’s lonely without him and it sucks really. I am so not in the mood of doing anything and all I want is just be… somewhere… today I was at the ‘office’ and I start crying, I don’t know why, or maybe I do, I feel so bored and let down by everyone around, I feel lonely, I feel sad, I feel like the weather outside, cold and cloudy,,, lifeless ufffiii the list can go on forever.
I don’t want to be like this but I can not help it… I don’t know where is the old me, the happy one… I tried to keep myself in a good, positive mood but it usually doesn’t last more than 2 consecutive days :)
I am mostly lying to myself that things will be better, that I can do this, etc. etc. but I do not know how can one overcome the time?! I am just waiting for the time to pass and I can not be glad about anything real… I don’t want to go for a walk, I don’t want to come here, at work, I don’t want to go home either, I can not start my German lessons nor my English ones, I am only working for the money, I feel no joy in what I do and that is tearing me apart, I am simply apart. Besides all that I am still alive and breathing and waiting and wanting and hoping…
And at the end one little ‘game’:

5 Things found in my bag: keys, wallet, notebook, handkerchiefs, lipstick.

5 Things found in my room: hummm… candles, magazines, clothes, laptop, cosmetics… lots of those :P

5 Things I always wanted to do: go to Venezia in February, lighten up a room with 100 candles (more or less), move away from my parents house, learn to swim, learn to dance.

5 Things I’m currently into: finding a job, reading stuff on the internet, Italian music, movies, drinking lots of water/tea :))


So I think this is a nice post, isn’t it :P I am looking forward on what future has for me!